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For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.
(Matthew 6:14-15)
Scriptures to explore: Exodus 34:6-7; II Chronicles 7:14; Proverbs 19:11; Proverbs 24:17-18; Proverbs 25:21; Matthew 5:7; Matthew 6:12; Matthew 6:15; Matthew 18:23-35; Mark 2:5; Mark 11:25; Luke 23:34; Luke 24:47; John 8:11; John 20:23; John 21:15-19; Acts 2:38; Acts 10:43; Romans 5:8-9; II Corinthians 2:5-11; II Corinthians 5:18-20; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13; I John 2:12
Born focused on ourselves, we automatically operate in our fallen condition. Hurt by others, we hold onto those hurts. The greater the harm and the deeper the wound, the harder it is to "get over it". If we do forgive, it is not really the forgiveness God calls us to give since the harm done to us continues to tighten its grip. When it seems to be in our best interest, we will throw the hurt back at those we claim to have forgiven. We may call it forgiveness, but all we do is shrug it off, let it roll off our shoulders, sweep it under the rug, or let bygones be bygones. We do not know how to bring our hurts before God and experience freedom through forgiveness, but instead bury our hurts while claiming to have buried the hatchet. Sometimes we intentionally harm and hurt others. We do so for a variety of reasons, which are neither healthy nor God honoring. It is likely that we are blind and ignorant to the pain we cause. We do not recognize our sin. To make matters worse, when confronted with our sin, we blow it off or blow up, even justifying our actions by what others did to us. We explain away what we do while holding what others do to us against them. The truth of our sin is minimized when we get upset when someone confronts us. Not knowing Christ's forgiveness, we do not extend forgiveness or ask for it.
Our transformation begins with hearing the gospel. We notice Jesus forgiving people (Luke 5:20; Luke 7:48) and hear that we can find forgiveness (Matthew 26:28; John 1:29; Ephesians 1:7). Some of us may be cut to the core when we realize that we live counter to the life he describes and harbor unforgiveness towards others. But many of us remain unaware of our sin and sin nature, not fathoming the unforgiveness we carry. Until we admit our condition, accept that it is counter to what God says, and grasp our own need, we remain helpless to overcome sin and forgive others. Forgiving others does not sound like good news to us. When we do start to understand forgiveness in light of Christ, we hear it in the context of an immediate life issue. The gospel addresses something that has kept us tied up in knots, perhaps for years. We receive the good news of what God can do, and experience His forgiveness that frees us from what we had no power to overcome. We grasp that Christ can do in and for us, what we ourselves could never do. A sense of peace grips us as we begin shifting our focus from ourselves to Christ. We learn to look to Christ and draw close to him. As we do, we find him bringing to light things from our past that we had forgotten or never thought of as sin. It dawns on us that we have lived counter to what God has commanded; we now understand that we are sinners. The truth of the gospel at work deep inside our hearts changes the way we interact with other people. As our heart changes, so do our thoughts and actions. We notice our sin because God's light now shines into our darkness (John 3:19-21).
God's forgiveness is producing changes in us. Now when we realize that we have done something counter to what God has said, we confess it to him, repent, and experience His forgiveness (I John 1:9). Since our sin typically impacts others, we seek forgiveness not only from God, but also from the people we hurt. God's forgiveness stirs us to make things right with others as much as we are able (Romans 12:18; Hebrews 12:14), knowing that the most loving way to treat those we harm is to admit our sin and ask them to forgive us. Our desire is to maintain the intimacy with God we have come to know in Christ, thus we seek forgiveness. Seeking forgiveness is becoming more a part of who we are in Christ, yet we still battle with the self-focus that makes it a struggle to always offer forgiveness. We may struggle to forgive when we have experienced great harm. Not having people acknowledge what they have done can compound the problem, especially if they give excuses to justify themselves. A recent hurt may compound other hurts and fears rooted in things done to us earlier in life which we keep reliving or bury. Some of us struggle to forgive ourselves. Though we hear and say we believe that God forgives us, and even experience it in various areas of life, we struggle with an issue for which we have not forgiven ourselves. The words go in our eyes and ears, but our heart resists the truth, doubting God forgives that particular issue. While we may not be engaged in the issue, we believe we still have a debt that can never be paid. How do we move forward in maturity when we wrestle with forgiving? First we have to acknowledge where our beliefs go against what God has said. If we struggle to forgive a deep hurt, we confess that we have held onto what God has forgiven in Christ. Confession and repentance are key steps to finding freedom. We admit that our thoughts are wrong and that God reveals what is true. Second, we have to see the issue in terms of the cross. If we struggle with harm done to us, we picture the cross between us and the person, with Christ being the recipient of what was done to us (Acts 9:4-5). If we are troubled by the harm we have done, likewise we see the cross between us and those we hurt and accept that Christ took our sin done against them. We realize that in showing mercy to Paul, Christ showed his willingness to forgive even the worst of sinners (I Timothy 1:13-15). We are not letting ourselves or someone else off the hook. Rather, we are trusting God to deal with that sin with true justice. Those in Christ realize that justice was accomplished through the cross of Christ. Those separated from Christ will not be able to justify their sin or rejection of God's good news. The only hook we are letting ourselves or anyone else off of is our choosing the means of justice. When we forgive, we are saying that we no longer hold people accountable to ourselves, but that we trust God to deal with everyone perfectly. Understanding the eternal consequences, we pray for those we forgive, asking God to have mercy on them.
Part of maturing in Christ involves breaking free of the struggle to forgive ourselves. This freedom happens quickly for some, while others find it a harder and longer process. When we recognize the depth of our sin and the grace of God in Christ, we see our life in light of the cross. At the cross we find freedom. We may struggle to explain it, but we no longer struggle with forgiving ourselves. We do not dwell on our past for it has been addressed in Christ. As necessary, we make things right with others. If our present circumstances are influenced by past sinful choices, we do not dwell on the sin but trust God to use us for His glory. Forgiveness in Christ brings freedom from the past's control over our thoughts, emotions, and actions here and now. We may live with its consequences, but we do not fret or complain. Rather we praise and thank God for His grace and mercy. In the past we lived for ourselves. Now we make intentional choices to glorify God day by day and even moment by moment. We live to please God rather than ourselves.
Maturing in love is amplified in our taking less time and effort to forgive. In the past we might have struggled several months or even years to forgive someone. But in Christ, when we experience someone's sin we are aware of our desire to quickly forgive. If an issue weighs upon us and we realize that we have been holding onto a hurt from someone, we forgive them for what they did. Becoming more sensitive and forgiving, we find the duration between when sin happens and the point when we choose to forgive being reduced from weeks to days, then hours, and eventually minutes and seconds. We are amazed when the day comes in which we experience the consequences of someone's sin and immediately forgive instead of latching onto the hurt. We know that it is the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us extending grace at our point of need. Perhaps the person never even knows, but we know and immediately forgive them.
The mark of Christian maturity regarding forgiveness, is seen when God's grace not only enables us to quickly forgive others, but that we would not even consider holding onto unforgiveness. We know that unforgiveness leads to bitterness and anger. It used to keep us thinking about getting revenge and hurting the other person, but such thoughts are foreign to us now. When an unforgiving thought comes to mind, we take that thought captive (II Corinthians 10:5), identifying it as an intruder and intentionally forgive. We take God at His word that we are forgiven in Christ. We see all sin through the cross of Christ. When we are hurt, we picture the offenders facing us with the cross between us, recognizing the cross is where the full impact of their sin lands. We are not tied to whether the other person grasps forgiveness in Christ or if they recognize their sin or are even concerned about it. We know that we do not have to own the damage done by their sin or allow it to keep us in bondage. We may very well be harmed physically, financially, or socially, but our heart is free. We can love as Christ loved us, forgiving because we have been forgiven.
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