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The second is like it, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."
(Matthew 22:39)
Scriptures to explore: Matthew 22:39; Romans 3:21-26; Colossians 2:8
Our unhealthy love of self is most recognizable when revealed in one of two extremes. On one end of the spectrum, we may have an extremely high view of ourselves. What we do and say is driven by a positive self-image fostered by accomplishments, and the affirmation and admiration we receive from others. We relish people's praise, which leads us to think more highly of ourselves than we ought (Philippians 2:3-5; Romans 12:1-3). We pursue our own comfort and pleasure. We insatiably seek after that which we think will make us happy and win approval from others. Failing to receive what we seek, we blame others for hindering us or not recognizing our value, contributions, and talents. We live like everything centers around us but we are never satisfied (Esther 5:13; Proverbs 27:20; Ecclesiastes 4:8; Isaiah 55:2). On the other end of the spectrum we may have a very low view of ourselves. When asked if we love ourselves, we cannot respond since we can only think about all the things wrong with us. Hurts and fears leave us feeling hopeless. We see no value or purpose to our existence. We evaluate ourselves through the lens of self-rejection. Our extremely low view of our worth does not come from God, but has been cultivated through our repeatedly being ignored and criticized. When we talk about ourselves, our self-contempt, criticism, doubt, and negativity are heard. Try as they might, others cannot snap us out of sounding like Eeyore. We process things in the darkness of our fallen nature and unhealthy self-love, not God's truth. Both ends of the spectrum are narcissistic, though one looks more positive and the other negative. The reality is that most of us do not reside at either end of the spectrum. We may have a more upbeat perspective one day, then fight discouragement another. Ultimately, our focus is on ourselves. We live for ourselves. We see no need to do otherwise and do not have any desire to live otherwise.
But if we are going to mature and start learning to live for something other than ourselves, we will need to be confronted or challenged to consider the nature of who we are currently. Ultimately our unhealthy self-love is because we are ignorant of Christ and the depth of God's love. We live in rebellion against Him. Without the fixed point of hearing what God says, we remain self-focused with an incorrect understanding of love and of self. Whether it reveals itself as an exaggerated love of self or a loathing of self, our distorted love is self-defined and self-focused. How could we be any other way since we were born into this fallen world. What others say about us has more impact on our thinking than the gospel of God. We do not know, or perhaps deny, that we are God's creation (Genesis 1:26-30, 5:1-2; Revelation 4:11). We blindly accept lies that are counter to God, measuring ourselves by human wisdom. We rely on the schemes of this world, which keep us bound by standards that we can never measure up to and desires that can never be satisfied. We remain locked in sin and deceived by the devil (Revelation 12:9). Our view of God is twisted by the accusation that God is not trustworthy (Genesis 3:1-5), rather than the gospel of Jesus Christ which proclaims God's truthfulness. Thus we live with a distorted self-perception. We do not intentionally choose to do this, but unwittingly accept the words and actions of others and reject God. Our problem is that we seek to live independent of our Creator. Because we deny our sin nature and our distorted views of love, we picture ourselves as something we are not. Perhaps we live under the impression that people are basically good. On the other end of the spectrum, we may believe we are so far gone that God wants nothing to do with us, so we might as well do evil. We fail to see our selfishness and miss the reason we were created, which is to live in relationship with God and worship Him. Ignorant of our sin and the gospel, we go after things we think will bring us success and comfort. We define our own values and set standards for ourselves and others without concern for God or what He has revealed. We define ourselves by ourselves, not by God. We are our own god. Self-focused as we are, we do not love ourselves as God intended. Our unhealthy love of self makes life all about us. Pursuing our desires and lusts, while saying that no one is getting hurt, our soul remains enslaved. We emphasize the things that matter most to us, not what God has revealed. If our conscious bothers us, we ignore it, rationalize it, or maybe even try unsuccessfully to fix ourselves. The reality is that by believing lies and lying to ourselves, we are ignoring that the symptoms that point to a deeply rooted heart issue which we cannot fix. The gospel says that our issue is sin; but we call God a liar by saying we have no sin, and deny that sin leads to death (Romans 5:12, 6:16, 6:23; James 1:15; I John 1:8-10).
On our own, we cannot overcome nor do we desire to break free from our unhealthy love of self. We are ignorant of God's diagnosis of and remedy for our condition. Only God can transform our corrupt human heart. Yet we know nothing of His love expressed in Christ Jesus (Romans 5:8). How we come to hear the good news of God's love in Christ varies from person to person, but we must hear and respond to if Christ's love is to replace our unhealthy self-love. As the message of Christ penetrates our hard heart we begin to follow and focus on him. The better we know him, the more we are drawn to and challenged by him. His love is demanding because he speaks the truth to us and reveals things hidden deep within us. We are distraught over seeing what is revealed in our heart and recognize our selfishness. As issues are made know to us, we respond to His grace and repent of our sins, and experience a deeper freedom in Christ and a greater capacity to love God and others.
Experiencing his love awakens an inner longing to be more like Christ. We realize that the changes taking place in us and the deeper love we are experiencing are not our doing but God's power at work in us. The fruit evident in our life grows by abiding in Christ and he abiding in us (John 15:4; I John 4:13). Only if we mature in Christ can our perspective change. Before we knew Christ, we saw ourselves, others, and even this world through the lens of our fallen nature. But having heard and believe the truth of the gospel we have a new perspective. We discover God's truth revealed in Christ to those who believe Him. Accepting the gospel leads to our looking at things through Christ's perspective, and enables us to view life itself with an eternal outlook.
As the focus of our whole existence changes, rather than thinking in terms of ourselves, we grow in awareness that it is all about Jesus Christ. No longer does sin control our passions since we now have an eternal perspective. We stop living for sin and are no longer bound by it for we find forgiveness in Christ and hear him telling us to live free from it. Our passions shift from ourselves and this world to God. We desire to glorify God. Not only do we seek to glorify Him, but we find that we are doing so more and more without consciously trying. In the process, we are learning to love God and others. The change in our external love is accompanied by a transformation of our heart towards ourselves. We now see ourselves in the light of what God has done to bring about redemption in Christ. The transformation of our heart enables us truly to love others and glory of God. The more mature we become, the less we think of ourselves and the more we think of others. The truth that we have been bought with a price and belong to Christ is what directs us. As we undergo the healing touch of God, our unhealthy self-love is replaced by godly love. Our self-love has been transformed. We are growing and becoming focused on ourselves, as we grasp that we are in Christ and he is in us.
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